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one time in 7th grade i was having unbearable intestinal pain like i could not move at all it hurt so bad so i went to the nurse and she sent me home and the second i got home i farted for legitimately 45 seconds and all of the pain disappeared
A deeply touching story
So I work at an ice cream store, and this girl walked in today and quietly asked me who the man behind the counter was. I responded that he was my manager.
"Oh, he’s cute. What’s his name?"
"Justin, but fair warning, he plays for the, uh, other team."
And I swear to fucking god four people (including myself) yelled ‘WILDCATS’ so loud she spilled her drink.
And I thought he was gay
my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
for a second I forgot about flip phones and I was like how in the holy hell did she rip a phone in half
just replace all police with police dogs
nobody would be mean or rude the police imagine a dog with a lil’ backpack giving you a ticket. you can’t get mad at the dog. the dog is just doing his lil’ dog job and wagging his tail and you KNOW he loves you still.
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